I didn't have a choice. A needless modification was made to my own body, and I was given no say in the matter.
As a child and adolescent, I did not understand genital mutilation. Nor did I realize that it had been done to me, especially since my own penis had skin covering the glans. It took me just one look at adult content to begin researching, and through that research, I quickly realized how wrong I was.
I discovered that the skin covering my glans is not the result of a natural "intact" body nor the removal of a small amount of skin, but rather because way too much skin had been cut away. A loose dorsal cut (on the upper side) and tight ventral cut (on the underside), in combination with the body's tendency to protect itself, causes the penis to be pulled in and become covered by the remaining foreskin and scrotal skin. This condition is known as "buried penis." My glans penis is covered with scrotal skin and the remnant foreskin most of the time, as if it was intentionally pulled up and held there, causing me to appear intact.
Along with the buried Penis and hypospadias, I also have a condition called penoscrotal webbing. Many times this can be congenital (present at birth), but is also caused by overly-aggressive removal of skin from the ventral side of the penis during forced genital mutilation (circumcision).
Through continued research, I found out that the different skin tones on the shaft of my penis -- one skin tone near the base and a distinctly different shade closer to the glans -- is a direct result of the cutting. The dark line between them is a scar I share with many other mutilated men.
As my research progressed, I began to realize the brutality of the procedure; that my penis was probed, clamped, crushed, and ripped apart – just like so many other boys have been forced to endure. In my case, however, during this mutilation, one of the instruments was pushed into my urethral opening and punctured through the underside of my glans penis. This created a huge hole below the glans. This unnatural urethral opening is called a medically-induced hypospadias, and it should have never happened to me. It also completely destroyed the frenulum, another repercussion in a long list of risks and possible complications.
Having a medically-induced buried penis and hypospadias means that my urethral opening is itself buried; the mechanics of which means that I am forced to pee sitting down, always, or otherwise I end up urinating all over myself.
My penis has been irreparably mutilated through a forced childhood genital cutting. This is my experience, the reality that I must live with every day. This is why I am offended when I hear a euphemistic term being used for this mutilation, and is why I no longer use those terms.
I have been restoring my foreskin for some time now; the restoration process is long and tiring but well worth it. I know sensitivity and function is coming back over time, and the glans penis is regaining a normal appearance.
I am a human rights activist and an intactivist for more reasons than just my own experiences. I work to bring awareness and save other children from genital mutilation because I have thoroughly researched the topic. I have seen presentations such as The Elephant in the Hospital. I've commiserated and protested with other victims, including The Bloodstained Men and their Friends (Facebook page). I realize that this problem is bigger than just myself. I understand, first-hand, the trauma and fallout surrounding genital mutilation that most people refuse to acknowledge. When someone tells me they don't care, or that I am a bully or a hypocrite for standing up for an innocent baby, it burns me to the core.
- Austin M., in Ohio
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